Ever since Cj made it into remission, we have made most, if not all, of our decisions based off the fear of relapse. We’ve held off on planning birthday parties, vacations, jobs, and even where we were going to live. We were unknowingly allowing fear to guide us, make decisions for us, and ultimately hold us back in our lives. It has exhausting and not the way life should be lived.
After Cj’s last biopsy results in September came back showing traces of abnormal cells, we knew we had a tough decision to make. Do we continue making life decisions based on the fear of relapse? Or do we start making decisions based on hope?
We chose hope.
We recently moved into a city where we can see ourselves putting roots down, Cj finally has his own room that he’s loved decorating, we’ve enrolled him in every after school activity imaginable, and we’ve started putting together plans for his 6th birthday party!
For the last 3 months, since Cj’s last biopsy came back with abnormal results, we’ve been holding our breaths in silent agony trying to live day by day. This week we are back at St. Jude and tomorrow morning Cj will undergo another bone marrow biopsy. Our hope is that Cj continues to be cancer free without any trace of abnormal cells. These tests never get any easier, if anything, it seems that they actually get harder and harder the more we push ourselves back into “normal life”. Last night was the first time that Cj cried out to us before bed, begging for us to stay home instead of leaving for St. Jude. He told us that he didn’t want to leave his home and that he wanted to stay home and have fun. We could see the fear in his tiny little brown eyes, the fear of never coming back to his home again. We assured him that we would be coming home but secretly, we know that nothing is ever guaranteed in this life and that we were just as scared. But how do we tell Cj that in a way that he would understand? He shouldn’t even have to understand something like this because he’s just a child. The only fears he should have are things like monsters under the bed. Not things like never returning to his home again. This is all just so heartbreaking as parents.
This week we ask that you please keep Cj in your thoughts and prayers. Please pray for us to be able to return home as planned, for him to get back to school, back to his friends, his birthday, and his first Christmas with family and a healthy immune system.
This weekend we will also be running in St. Jude’s largest run event here in Memphis in honor of Cj and all our his battle buddies who’ve fought or are still fighting cancer. Each step we take is for these brave children! We’re almost to our fundraising goal, so please make a life saving donation and help us end childhood cancer by clicking here: http://heroes.stjude.org/keepcjstrong